Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Xbox4Nappyrash interviews Me....

Early last month Xbox4Nappyrash offered to interview a fellow blogger.. I very rashly jumped up and down going *Pick me! Pick me!* If you haven't read Xbox4Nappyrash's blog, you really need to go over to his blog and start reading.Martin has been Mocked by Nature.
He has worn odd shoes out in public.. My favourite post was when he gave his sperm a pep talk..God I wished that I was a sperm that day I was so inspired to perform well..

So without further Ado I present the interview.. Well just a little bit of ado (oops) This is quite long so if you need to go to the loo, go now. Maybe make yourself a cuppa or just grab some alcohol...

X4NR: First up, anyone who's anyone, i.e. me, wants to know what's behind the name, "Frog Ponds Rock"?

Kim: ...... I reckon that frog ponds 'rock' !!!... Hehehe actually I really like frogs and spent ages catching tadpoles at my nan's place as a kid. But there didn't seem to be many frogs on my property here. The fact that there wasn't any water either probably helped...So I made a frogpond. then I made another and another and ......

X4NR: Firstly, how did you manage to catch tadpoles where there was no water? and Secondly, were you really surprised at the lack of frogs considering you had kidnapped all the tadpoles?

Kim: Types v.e.r.y. v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y... S.o that Martin's shagged out brain can catch up..

X4NR: That's not an answer woman, basically, you were trying to catch and breed no existent frogs in the desert. Is this accurate?

Kim: Yes that is true and I actually managed to succeed because I am a superstar...

X4NR: How much have you had to drink today?

Kim: Two cups of coffee(black) and a glass of water.*snicker* It is only midday... way to early for a drink hehehehe

X4NR: Did you really squirt breast milk "fresh from the pap" at a bunch of bikers?

Kim: I certainly did ollie... hehehehe

X4NR: Was it like, just one barrel or both hands going simultaneously, or alternating from one canon to the other?

Kim: Two hands one boob...So obviously you have a fascination with boobs then..

X4NR: Er, well, yes, I'm male, despite what the semen analysis says.

Have you ever been arrested? I've got good money riding on a 'yes' here.

Kim: Oh dear! How much money?.... No I have never ever been arrested, or locked up or even told to "shut up woman" by the police at all..I was raided by the drug squad when I was 18. Luckily I had just smoked all the dope so they didn't find anything.. they made a hell of a mess though..

X4NR: I would bet my fabulous hair that you have a tattoo, where?, when?, why? and who?

Kim: I do indeedy.. A tattoo of a crescent moon and 3 stars on my left hand. In the soft part between my thumb and index finger..I had it done for my 31st birthday.. the tattooist said he had a policy of not tattooing on peoples hands or faces.. I very nicely explained to him that I was well past 18 and when I showed him the design he agreed to do it..the only tattoos that women had then were butterflies on their bums or little birdies on their boobs.. Now only 11 years later tattoos are as common as...

X4NR: Common as what? finish that please... and bear in mind your interviewer may or may not also have gotten one 11 years ago....

Kim: gotten one what??

X4NR: A tattoo woman, keep up.


X4NR: Whats so funny ? I can be hard…

Kim:*snickers again*

X4NR: I bet if I asked you 'would you live in a city' you would say 'no. But if you HAD to live in a city, where and why?

Kim: mmm this one needs some thought...

X4NR: Well, don't let a silly thing like an interview stop you from taking your time over it… well? Where?

Kim: Melbourne then.. If I have to pick a smelly old city I will at least pick one that I like.. and have actually been to.. mmm the Boxing Day Test match.. *sigh* the footy...mmm ..

Yep Melbourne!!! (oh and there is really good art galleries and stuff as well loike)

X4NR: Why do you blog?

Kim: mmmm.. Because My daughter made me do it... ummm Because I like to talk.. mmm I might possibly have been a tad lonely... and then..I posted a photo that I had taken of Santa in his Sleigh on Christmas Eve. That one photo made a small girl in Texas Giddy with excitement.. and then I realised that I had finally found 'MY' niche.. and then I wasn't quite as lonely as I had been..

Why do you blog?

X4NR: Cheaper than therapy and let's me fantasise about someday being able to write down what's in my head and make a living off of it. But that's neither here nor there…

X4NR: Who's blog is better yours, or Veronica's? and why?

Kim:Mine of course..Hmmph!!! hehehehe Actually I think that Veronica's blog is the better one. Vonnie is a much better writer than I am. When she was offline I missed reading her blog. Veronica's blog just cracks me up..

X4NR: Veronica posted once displaying an entire range of vibrators, did you clip her around the ear for that or bring a bumper pack of batteries on your next visit?

Kim:I giggled at that post. then very quickly put the idea of vibrators and my daughter out of my head...

X4NR: And now she's gone and posted about blowjobs and sore wrists, surely you feel the urge to put a stop to all this?


X4NR: Because I'm a sensitive boy. Does your nan read her blog?

Kim: No but 'her' Nan does.. she posted about studded condoms today.. mmm are you sensing a theme here??

X4NR: I'm sensing that her poor hubby is gonna need his weetabix. She actually posted that your son knows what flavoured condoms taste like…worried much?

Kim: I am more curious than worried. Did he eat a whole condom? Or did he just open a condom and nibble on it? I will ask him when he gets home and then I will tell you..

X4NR: Do you think it's an insult to your cooking if your son has taken to eating birth control?

Kim:: He is a teenage boy I am surprised that he hasn't been sprung eating much stranger things...

X4NR: If you and Veronica got into a fight, which of you would win?

Kim: Me of course...I am much bigger than Veronica.. But the dog(Harry) would jump in and bite whoever was being the aggressor. So fighting is pointless at my place because the dog always wins...Harry and I are the champions...

X4NR: When was the last time you were pissed as a coot? any special occasion?

Kim: Do you need a special occasion to drink?

X4NR: Settle down woman, I'm asking the questions...

Kim:I thought that was a very good question... Do you, X4NR need a special occasion to drink?

X4NR: Yes in fact, it's called weekend. Are you a one or two any day of the week woman or a bucket load at the weekend woman?

Kim: Any day is a good day for a drink.. I am a total pisshead..Who else but a complete alky could successfully breed non-existent frogs in a desert?

X4NR: What did you last get REALLY pissed off at?

Kim: mmm easter eggs in the shops the first week in January.. I can't remember being REALLY pissed off at anything..I will have another beer and come back to this one.. Rude people piss me off though.

X4NR: Have you ever hit another adult in anger?

Kim: Um Yes..

X4NR: This is where you would say who and how and where and why woman…

Kim: It was a beautiful right hook... The Skanky Ho deserved it..(oops)

X4NR: How long ago was this? What caused the argument?

Kim: You are a persistent bugger. It was about 16 years ago. She was my best friend at the time. Jeffrey was the cause of the argument..

X4NR: Ooooh, now it's getting juicy. Jeffrey was the cause eh? Did she try to steal him or did he cause it by saying 'Kim said you've a fat arse' type thing?

Kim: She wanted to steal him *sigh*

X4NR: Are ye still friends?

Kim: No.

X4NR: Do you thing that dingo really DID eat her baby or is Meryl Streep just a crafty old hag?

Kim: I think A dingo took Azaria Chamberlain.. dingos aren't cute yellow puppy dogs. They are wild dogs. I wish that a dingo had taken Meryl for that atrocious attempt at an Aussie accent *shudders*

X4NR: Now you know how we felt over Tom Cruise in 'into the west'. What's the biggest incorrect stereotype of an Aussie or Australia in general you've come across?

Kim: Eeww! Tom Cruise *shudders* I can't really think of any at the moment . I personally think that Australia will take a long time to recover from the Damage that the Howard years have done to our international reputation as well as the deeper wounds to our collective psyche.. So maybe it is a good thing that a lot of people overseas think that there is a Steve Irwin or a crocodile Dundee on every corner.

X4NR: Do you ever do the 'That's not a knife, THIS is a knife' from time to time?

Kim: Oh yeah all the time.. We are a Sad, Sad, Sad! Family.. That's not a fish. This is a fish! Sort of thing…

X4NR: Hubby, Jeffrey, what's his story then?

Kim: *Yells to the other room* , "Jeffffreeeeey whats your story then?"

J: what do you mean? what's my story?

K: just that.. Whats your story?

J: *groans* it must be "For the Term of his Natural life"

K: Ok Rufous thanks....

X4NR: Could I sum that up as him being the stereotypical long suffering husband then? Doing whatever it takes for a quiet life?

Kim: *Yells out to the shed...* Jeffreeeey are you the stereotypical LSH..????

Jeffrey:- aaaaaaaand loving it...

Well there you go then...

X4NR : Your family has an amazing matriarch…matriarchical…fuck it, 'female' presence, Your Nan, your Mum, You, Veronica, and her wee Amy. What's it like to be an active granddaughter and grandmother at the same time?

Kim: To tell you the truth I hadn't really thought about it. Nan and Mum are really strong women, well I suppose we all are strong women. Nan divorced her first husband just after the end of the war and was left to raise mum alone.. No government benefits in those days..

Mum was widowed when I was 14 and my little brother was 10.. I was the teenager from Hell! Oops this isn't really answering your question is it..?

X4NR: No, but that's nothing new… continue anyway…

Kim: I really enjoy being a grandmother it is heaps more fun than being the mother... I don't ever think of myself as a grand daughter. My relationship with my Nan started to change when I was pregnant with Veronica. Once I became a mother then Nan and I were women together. There was a shift in our relationship. I can't really explain it.

X4NR: Try…

Kim: *sighs* I think it was because I grew up.. We had the secret giving birth handshake thingy between us then.. I had realised that I wasn't important anymore. My daughter was the important one..Now Miss Amy is the important one.. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

X4NR: No, I'm sub-fertile remember.

Kim: I am sure that Spencer will perform spectacularly for you...

X4NR: Here one for you, would you ever consider taking just one more stab at parenthood?

Kim: no. No no NOPE no way nononononononononooooooooooooo NO!

X4NR: Kimberly, it has been a delight, you are one 'fair dinkum sheila'. Or 'a sound beour' as I would say back home.

Kim: It is just Kim.. and yes I have had heaps of fun doing this.. I was a bit nervy at first but thanks Martin.. I have had fun..


Bettina said...

Great job!! Both of you!!

Terrific interview!

I was giggling and nodding and giggling some more.

Veronica said...

I am pissing myself over here and so is Nathan. Brilliant job guys.

Also, as long as it was, it was really easy to read and flowed well.

tiff said...

That was bloody fabulous!
I had a very good belly laugh.
Thank you.

Casdok said...

Excellent!! :)

Tracey said...

That was AWESOME! I wanna play...

frog ponds rock... said...

Oh thanks heaps.. I was really nervy about posting it here...

*phew* cheers kim xxx

BenefitScroungingScum said...

That was a great interview, BG x

sauerkraut said...

oh my word...

never gave the happy sperm dudes a pep talk... nor have I ever been squirted with boobjuice as I pedalled by... and now I wanna know where Veronica is.

Julie said...

This is a great interview, Kim! You two are really funny!

jientje said...

Well done! I had to really sit down for this one, but girl was it worth it!

Kellan said...

I loved reading that interview - it came across just like I was there listening to the interview - very cool! I also enjoyed learning so much more about you - you are very interesting and you rock!

Have a good day - see you later. Kellan

Sandy C. said...

ROFL! What a great interview :) I love the dialog, and may I add I so wish I was part of the family!

Anonymous said...

hehe.. cool..

how did ya do the interview?


Xbox4NappyRash said...

well, well, well... that turned out pretty decent in the end you crazy bint!

I'm exhausted from that flight, the bangkok stopover was worth it though...

So... how DID he know the taste of the condom?

Congrats Kim for being a very good sport.

LceeL said...

Brilliant. I think I love you.

River said...

Amazing what comes out when two funny buggers start nattering.........

Kathryn said...

Midday is never too early for drinks! hehe ;)
Great interview! That was fun to read.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I appreciate it! :)

Old Knudsen said...

A moon and 3 stars? are you or have you ever been pagan?

Marylin said...

great interview! Had me in stitches in parts :P

Anja said...

I've been a miserable cow for a few days and then I read that interview. Laugh, I nearly shat.

Well done, both of you.

A sperm called Spencer? I would call him Horatio, but that's just me.

Anonymous said...

I'm late commenting of course, as usual, I loved it, well put together.

frog ponds rock... said...

Yay.. thanks mum.. xxx

Petra said...

Loved the interview - cracked me up. :)